YuGiOh Diaries: Adventures of Mary Sue
by sylas
Summary: Pokes fun at Self Insertion characters through personal character entries. I was going through old files on my computer and found this. I'm sharing it's genius with the world! Read it, or you'll wish that you had! Ch2 Revised 8.9.05
1. Day One and the Chicken Man

**Yu-Gi-Oh Diaries - Adventures of Mary Sue  
**Rioki Kataru/Sye Ceiran  
April 2003 - August, 2005

**Summary:  
**_Pokes fun at Self-Insertion characters through personal character entries. I was going through old files on my computer and found this. I'm sharing it's genius with the world! Read it, or you'll wish that you had!_

**Notes:**  
- I do not have a beta, but I do continuously check over my work.  
- I understand that Otogi and Seto Kaiba do not attend school with the rest of the characters. This was done to preserve the AU that is created around any existing Mary!Sue. Like a vortex.  
- There are no separate bodies for spirits and their hosts.  
- Phear t3h love that is Malik 3 Bakura. It's my story. I can add pairings if it pleases me so.

_Original Intro (June 2003):_

Somewhat annoyed at self-insertion characters on I went ahead and wrote this. The diary concept of it is essentially from _Nine Men And A Little Lady_. "Legolas-lust bunnies." And the _Very Secret Diaries_ by Cassie Clare.

I tried to write parts of this, those describing the Mary Sue and her actions, as closely as I could to how it would be in an actual self-insertion fic: indicating her appearance, stressing her talents, having main characters falling for her, the mysterious past, and an Eighth Millennium Item. And if anything seems out of place, or just not right, it's because I have to write this backwards. Which sucks.

The story behind the teacher acting so odd up was that the Pharaoh screwed him up like those dimfucks in the manga up after the teacher gave Yugi a "C" on a report he had to do on poultry.

**Day 1**

"Class!" the teacher announced, instantly silencing his students. "We...uh...have--new student...today!" Lifting his hand from his desk, he struck it straight out towards the door, from which a pretty young girl strolled in. She had sparking dark blue eyes and her black hair, dyed with streaks of silver, flowed behind her in waves. The school uniform accentuated her figure. She stood smiling in front of the entire class, her hands clutching her case filled with school books in front of her.

The teacher introduced her. "Cl-ass," he said, "this is Mary Sue. She moved here to...our wonder-full city...just the other--_squawk_--day..."

"This city sucks ass!" Malik shouted, cupping his mouth with his hands, nearly rising from his set. He got a couple snickers from the class, but most seemed intent on watching Mary Sue as she stood rooted to the ground in the front of the room. Malik growled, not liking the fact that he usual attention was being adverted to someone else. He sunk back down into his set.

**Yugi's Journal  
****Day 1**

Journal-Thingy, today was okay. Passed math quiz with help of Spirit constantly muttering the answers to himself. Grades in other courses have greatly improved also. At lunch Anzu got all chummy again. Though not as bad as spoon feeding attempt last week. Honda didn't show up for school today at all.

Oh, and yes. New exchange student. Teach said she was from some obscure part of lower Japan. Wasn't listening anyway, to busy listening to Pharaoh singing to himself and Duke muttering something under his breath about finely chiseled dice. Seems like a nice girl. Though found it very strange that I unconsciously took notice to her beautiful dark blue eyes and gorgeous raven black hair with what appears to have unnatural streaks of silver...

Fell mysteriously drawn to new student. Wait. What am I saying? GRAMPA!

**Ryou's Journal  
****Day 1**

Lance asked me out again today. Don't think he'll ever get the point that I am not a girl. I hate perverted jocks.

Was innocently doodling in my notebook when in the middle of class a girl came into room. Was strangely surprised that for once Lance stopped watching me draw from over my shoulder and stare...hungrily at her. Sick bastard. I hate stupid lustful jocks.

Her eyes I think were some kind of dark blue at first, but they actually changed colors halfway through for no apparent reason. She was playing some sort of happy "I'm so glad to be here," game, but at the same time seemed very uneasy and nervous, like she had something to fear. Like something was wrong or something had happened so long ago... Only I don't think anyone else noticed.

Ehh. She creeps me out. The teacher, who obviously no one else notices acts like a possessed turkey, gave her a spot behind me, in front of Kaiba, beside Joey, across from Yugi. Anzu, for some suspicious reason, now sits in the far corner behind all of us. I never knew we all sat so close together before...

**Kaiba's Online Diary  
****Day 1**

Class sucked today. Stayed extra buried in Quantum Physics book. New girl, so very beautiful. Her eyes are like the warm color of the melting night sky...No. The blue of her eyes rivals even those of my once true love, the White Dragon. Her hair is the backdrop for the very stars themselves. Wait. Doesn't sound right. Her hair is like the fleeting movements of White Lighting attack. Yes...

Feel suspiciously queasy. Am beginning to think that I'm actually not gay at all and was just not attracted to anything but myself. That...was before her, who's name I forget because it is so uncommon but probably would make my heart swell with joy if I heard it once more...

**Mary Sue's Diary  
****Day 1**

Diary, I have a good feeling about school. I met so many new friends, all of which happen to by guys. I'm giggling right now, but they're all extremely nice. Yugi and Ryou are both pretty shy, and Kaiba seems pretty paranoid, but Joey was more than happy to let me have some of his food. I just hope the school doesn't find out I'm working after school, I heard it was against the rules. And I really don't want to be kicked out now, after meeting so many great people. Maybe they'd understand when they find out I live alone?


	2. Day Two and the DICE

**Adventures of Mary Sue  
**Rioki Kataru/Sye Ceiran  
June 2003 - August, 2005

**Day 2**

Mary Sue sat, busily trying to get her stuff together for school. She knew she was going to be late if she didn't hurry. She was excited to get to school, and ran right out the door when she had finally found her class schedule.

Before class had even began, everyone had taken their seat except Malik. He realized the time was finally right and pulled out his picket sign and started marching around the back of the room shouting "This sucks ass! This sucks ass!" When he realized that his friends were too busy drooling over Her artwork which had accidentally dropped onto the floor, he broke the sign in half and marched over to his seat. From there he eyed them all evilly.

"Wow!" Yugi said, "you're really good at drawing!" He picked though some of her drawings. "Especially this one. I like the shading."

"Have you considered becoming an artist?" Joey asked, stealing away a drawing from the top of the stack of paper and flipping it upside down.

"Thank you!" she remarked, blushing. She was sure they would've laughed at her art. "I hope to become an artist some day, but I might not be able too...You know..." she shrugged and took back her art when the teach hopped into the room.

"SQUAWK!" he screeched, his right eye twitching. "Class! Roll call! ARKK!" He quickly counted up all the students. "YUP!" he cried out, waving his hands around his sides. "Today's...assignment! Partners! Language assignment! Read handout!" Papers spilled out in all directions from his twitching hands. The class got up from their seats and each grabbed a paper while the teacher convulsed from behind the desk, squawking every so often and hitting the wall.

After everyone had taken their seats, the teacher still lay on the floor. He reached over, picked up the closest paper, and begin reading off the names of the groups.

"Joey? You'll be with Malik," he read off, his voice coming muffled from behind the desk. Joey looked back at Malik, who cracked his knuckles and snarled, and quickly flipped back around.

"Ryou and Lance, you'll be group Two," he called. Lance grinned while Ryou banged his head onto his desk several times.

"Yugi?" he said. Yugi looked up while Anzu's face lit up from way in the back of the room. "You'll be working with our new student on this project." Anzu's face sank while she slid under her desk. The teacher went on until everyone in the room was partnered up.

"Now that that--that...That's done, I'll hand out our...tch MATH TESTS!" He threw out all of the tests into the air, which floated to the ground in between the rows of desks. He then fell back onto the floor and started to twitched violently.

"Hey hey!" Joey said, picking up Yugi's paper from the floor. "Someone scored good." Yugi took the paper from his hands and glanced at it strangely for a moment.

"Yeah, well, Mother always said I was gifted," Yugi said suspiciously, slipping the test into his desk and quickly tried to think of ways to change the subject.

"Hey Joey, not a bad grade yourself," Mary Sue said, looking over at Joey's grade. He blushed.

"Yeah, well, Mother always said I was gifted," he grinned. She laughed at his joke while Yugi eyed Joey skeptically.

"I was wondering if sometimes you'd want to get together and we could study together," she suggested thoughtfully. Joey nodded and tried to get a glance at her score.

"CLASS!" the teacher yelled, standing straight up from his spot on the floor, only to fall onto the swivel chair and spin in a circle. "Work time! ARG!"

Joey got up, breathed deep, and went to take the shadowed spot next to Malik. The light above him was broken from one Malik's odd stunts. Joey saw two beady little eyes peering out from the darkness at him. Quickly, he sat down and tried not to look to his right where the intense, angry breathing was coming from.

"I can smell your fear, Boy," Malik growled, looming closer. Joey squeaked and crossed all his fingers.

"So," Yugi said as Mary Sue took Joey's vacant seat to side behind him. "I think we should do a report, with like little posters and such," he made an outline of a large box with his hands.

"That sound's like a good idea," she smiled. "I like it. I'll do the research and draw for the poster, if that's okay with you. And then you can write up the report."

"Yeah, you sure? That's...kind of a lot of work."

"Oh well," she shrugged. "I'm come by you house tomorrow so we can work on it, okay?"

Yugi blushed, then nodded. He tried to silence the little voice in the back of mind taunting him.

At lunch, Mary Sue walked down the lunch line with her tray in both hands. She was trying to decide between a peanut butter and jelly sandwich or the 'Mystery Meat Special' when a handsome boy bumped into her. His bread landed on her shirt butter side down.

"DICE!" he screamed before pulling himself together. He grabbed some napkins from a dispenser and tried wiping the stain off of her shirt. Her face turned a bright read and he brushed away bread crumbs from her bust.

"So sorry!" he said, throwing the napkins over his shoulder. "I should've introduced myself!" He cleared his throat and grabbed her free hand. He brought it up to his lips and bowed his head to kiss it. Raising his head, he winked, and introduced himself.

"Hello," he said in the manliest voice he could manage, "I am...The Duke."

**Otogi's Journal  
****Day 2**

Hate this school. Beginning to get tired of scary clown in front of store. Today at lunch I bumped into some new girl. My bread somehow managed to make a massive stain of the front of her uniform. She was very apologetic. So very hot. Even with bread stains down her front. Introduced self as "The Duke".

And now I shall write love poetry because she is so fair...

Her eyes are like newly handcrafted dice at their finest.  
Her eyes the color of the bluest ice.  
Her hair, a blur of rolling dice.  
Her bosom is like a pair of succulent finely chiseled dice.  
How I wish to roll those dice.

**Yugi's Journal  
****Day 2**

Today all my first classes went pretty well with the Pharaoh guiding behind the scenes. Found myself partnered with Mary Sue for our language assignment. Was going to do half the work, but she insisted on doing most of it herself. Offered to come over tomorrow night and work on it. Pretty sure I blushed not knowing her true intent.

Today at lunch she followed Duke and came to come sit at our table. Sat between me and Kaiba. Pretty sure I heard Kaiba muttering something about the "Blue Eyes", but then again, that's about the only he talks about anyway, scary bastard. Noticed both Joey and Duke seemed quite occupied talking to her chest. Pretty sure I could feel jealous heat rising from Anzu. Scooted far away, ended up squished awfully close to Joey. Spirit laughed at me, claim I like the cuddles. Joey didn't seem to mind to much, was too busy stealing and coping Seto's math notes. Poor Ryou was forced to sit on Marik's lap to make room for Her spot. Marik hates everything anyway so don't supposed he would have minded. Wonder if he was actually getting a kick out it.

Friends all perverted. Pharaoh's laughing at me again. Claims I have hots for Mary Sue...whoever. She's supposed to be coming over tomorrow. He's telling me to wear many buckles. Says chicks like buckles. Stupid Spirit.  
**  
Marik's Butterfly Diary  
****Day 2**

Note to self: get new diary. This time don't steal it from Isis. Has no taste in journal covers.

I hate this city. It's a freaking blow-hole. Want out. Egypt was much warmer and had less...strange people there.

Ryou had to sit on lap today. Was almost amused. Hair smelled very good, must remember to ask brand of shampoo. Would have whispered sweet nothings if it wasn't for stupid classmates. Damn them all.

New girl. Cannot bring myself to hate her. But...but I'm supposed to hate everything...ARG! Must...haaatttte... Witch. She's done something to Kaiba and to Joey. Otogi keeps referring to self as "The Duke" and then winking. Getting most annoying. He already gets all the girls, can never learned to share. Walked in on him today in the bathroom near the gym. Caught him sitting on the toilet writing love poetry. Ran out when he started reciting it. Horrible pansy. I hate everyone. But her.

Why? Why must this...this HOLD exist? I...I don't know what's coming over me. Must call Ryou for support. Must call Ryou or Yugi. Only two that haven't been affected. Then again, Ryou's just Ryou and Yugi's so buddy-buddy with that so-called Spirit of his that it makes me wonder. Argh.

**Joey's Notebook  
****Day 2**

Got "B" on the math test. Yugi got some super high grade. Either he's been getting some serious tutoring or that Spirit is more than just the Guardian of Darkness. She offered to help me with my homework after looking over at my paper. Gave me number during lunch, called her as soon as I got home. Didn't get to peek at her grade, vision obscured by bust hanging out in front of me on the desk. Didn't care to much about grades after that. Only seen a rack like that on Mai. Wonder how she can stand with a top like that. Must speculate later, doorbell just rang...

Joey left the pencil in his notebook, closed it, and slipped it into the draw of his desk. He jumped out of his chair, jumped over piles of old clothes and pizza boxes, flew down the stairs, and landed right in front of the door. He mentally checked himself, straightened his clothes, attempted to straight his hair, and checked his breath for unpleasantness. Feeling pleased, he stood up straight and opened the door.

Outside stood MarySue!Jaida. She smiled sweetly and waved a simply greeting with her free hand. She was holding several coarse books in the other. Her long, waist long dark hair with the streaks of silver was tied neatly in back with a red ribbon. Joey grinned and stepped aside.

"Sorry about the mess," he said, kicking some shoes out of the way so he could open the door further. He had cleaned up the living room to the best of his ability, so it would at least be presentable. She gently slipped off her shoes and shoved them neatly against the wall.

"You ready to learn, study-buddy?" she laughed, holding her books in front of her.

"Would you like anything to drink?" he asked, "I uh...might have some soda left."

"No, thanks," Jaida said, smiling to let him know she appreciated his offer. "Where would you like to study?"

Joey shrugged, "I have a fan in my room, there isn't no air down here." He started up the stairs.

"My rooms a bit messy too, so be careful. I don't think anything bites though," he said, opening the door for her.

She smiled as his joke. "It doesn't seem too bad." She walked over a pile of clothes and sat down on the open spot in the middle of Joey's floor. She had noticed the house was empty. And she wondered if maybe Joey lived alone like her. "Where is everyone?" she asked, fixing her gaze at Joey.

"Oh, my dad's working tonight, so I thought it would be a good time to study," he grinned again and plopped down onto the ground and folded his legs so he was sitting cross-legged.

Jaida nodded and pulled a History textbook out of her pile. "Why don't we start with this?"

Joey started. It hit him at that moment that he'd actually have to do some studying. He swallowed and nodded meekly.

"You know, someday we'll beat that damn Pharaoh and his own game. I'll crush his ego like I'll crush his balls."

Bakura looked over at Malik, concerned. "Dude, no. My own set just jumped into my body. Don't say things like that."

Malik grinned and rolled over onto his side, placing his arm above the blanket. "Would you like me to retrieve them for you?"

"As appealing as that sounds," Bakura said, putting on an obvious effort to sound seductive, "we're busy with after-sex scheming. No touchy." Disgruntled, Malik flopped onto his back.

Bakura propped himself up with his elbow. "I know my nefarious plans for world domination make you hot, but please contain yourself or we'll never get any work done. You made a sound choice when you advised we work against the Pharaoh," he reminded, "but I sometimes think we've would've gotten more done if we just stuck to loathing each other too much for anything but hate sex."

"Nah, at least this way when we double-team the Pharaoh he'll have never seen in coming," Malik grinned slyly.

Bakura's eyes widened. "Do you care to rephrase that?"

"Not at all."

Malik had approached Bakura about the possibility of working together against Yami Yugi during the Battle City tournament. And when they both agreed, each had a devious idea in the back of their minds to betray that trust and screw over the other when the Pharaoh was finally out of the way. Neither of them had given any thought the other had the same idea. But the secret wickedness had given way to better sex, so it was a winning situation for everyone but Yami Yugi and the rest of the natural world.


End file.
